Forever Guilty---Not Even The Roman Catholic Church Is This Mean!

You probably don't understand this but every moving violation ticket ever issued to you remains a part of your  permanent life record, transcending death.  Imagine you are at the fabled Pearly Gates awaiting entry and that long forgotten speeding 35 MPH in a 30 MPH Zone is brought up.  It is that bad, perhaps denying you eternal rest and the soothing songs of celestial beings caressing your once burning ears.

Dismissals, usually your only option other than paying the ticket, mean nothing because in any future case you can guarantee they will be held against you and used as further evidence concerning current guilt.  Read, and listen closely when someone in the news is reported as having done this and that, and quite often you will be told, other than a few tickets, that the individual up to this juncture has never committed a  serious crime.  But for some odd reason, at least odd to me, the person's list of issued tickets are somehow now pertinent to his/her current status, coloring him/her a particular shade.

Just why, I ask, is an alleged traffic violation given such overwhelming value, a value that never, ever receives exoneration?  You can be charged with murder and found not guilty.  You can takeover a Federal Wildlife Refuge, armed with the most deadly weapons available, all the while threatening Federal employees and destroying public property and still be declared innocent.  Yes, steal millions from clients, commit numerous war crimes, even sexually assault someone but you, innocent until proven otherwise, can walk free and clear when utilizing the best lawyers to defend you.

But attempting to get a verdict of innocence in traffic court is nearly impossible, a dismissal of charges usually your only chance at the slightest vindication.  Just remember, that doesn't make you innocent of that alleged U-turn or speeding violation. Instead, it means, that by some technical point, attorney gymnastics or officer error you have been allowed to avoid the consequences of your terrible misdeed.  But as I repeat, that  doesn't mean that it will ever be forgotten or forgiven.  That is not how it works.

And all this is true because those avenging angels called police officers have decided you are worthy of society's wrath despite reams of both recent and past evidence that police bias and misconduct has led to nearly countless questionable and illegal tickets and arrests, both here in Seattle and across the country. As the late Yellow Cab driver superintendent, and retired Seattle Police officer Barry used to tell us, when he was a cop, beating up suspects was a matter of course.  What could they do about it was the general response.  If they questioned why, the blanket excuse of resisting arrest worked every time to justify breaking an errant nose.

Transferring this to moving violations, of course this means that the officer's word is ironclad and irrefutable.  How can you question the sainted?  It isn't possible.  Even if they lie in their report, saying you confessed on the spot, no matter how unlikely that is, it remains their word against yours. So how can you win?  The truth is you never win, that ticket now part of your flesh and blood. Fun, huh?

As I implied in my heading, even those divine persecutors of all things evil, the nearly two millennium old Roman Catholic Church, offers more exoneration and relief than your average American court. What an improvement it would be if, instead of standing before a judge, you were allowed the benefit of the old-fashioned confessional, it working something like this:


"Yes, my son, you have some traffic sins troubling your automotive soul?

"Yes, father, I must confess I do."

"Then, go ahead, tell me all about them, remembering God is all forgiving, his son having died so you don't have to."

"Thank you father for your consoling words.  I do feel reassured, and trust I will be forgiven.  I must say it has been a rough week.  Monday I did ten U-turns but always making sure there was no oncoming traffic.  Tuesday I went ten over the speed limit on Aurora Avenue North at North 45th though any fool knows 40 MPH is not a just limit.  Wednesday I blocked the south-bound lane of Broadway East & East Republican due to someone flagging me at the north end of the block. Thursday a passenger living near Northgate, at about NE 92nd and 1st NE, decided that leaving one solitary hour before his flight was somehow reasonable, meaning at times I exceeded 80 MPH more than once just to get the fool on time to Sea-Tac.   Friday I screamed some profanity at some idiot who cut me off, making me slam my brakes, tossing all my stuff onto the floorboard.  And finally, Saturday night, after repeatedly warning the drunk that he had to stop telling me how to drive, told the guy he just had to leave.  And so he did, but not before telling me to go to hell!"

"There, there, my son, I can assure you will not be going to hell, not at least for the sins you have recounted.  While yes, you have sinned, at the same time you were just operating normally in what we all know is an insane workplace.  So, given the circumstances, all your sins are forgiven.  Your penance today is to read Robert Frost's poem "The Code"  and Gerald Manley Hopkins' "The Windhover."  In addition, please read William Watson's "World Strangeness" at least 3 times.  God knows he would have made a much better Poet Laureate than Alfred Austin. May you find peace and solace, my son.  May God stay with you.  You are forgiven and are  free to go.  And watch out for all those crazy drivers!"

"Thank you, thank you so very much father!  I feel so much better!"  Thank you for your kind understanding.